The Treasure Chest & the Side Character: The Practice of Reversing Identity Grief
I’ve been exploring how to move from default living to intentional design.
I decided to reflect on what I’ve been learning after coming across the photo above.
I recently found that pic of myself at 18. I remember being bright-eyed, curious, unafraid of possibility. Somewhere between that girl and the woman I became, my life began to fill with “treasures” that weren’t mine.
Titles.
Timelines.
Roles.
Expectations.
At first, the chest looked impressive. Full, polished, respectable. But here’s the truth: A chest that looks full on the outside can still feel hollow inside.
That’s the quiet ache of identity grief, realizing the life you’ve built doesn’t feel like yours. Identity grief is sneaky. It doesn’t scream.
It whispers through mornings when you wake up with dread instead of excitement.
It seeps in when you feel like a side character in your own story, going through the motions, checking off boxes, playing a role you never auditioned for.
It shows up in the gap between what society applauds and what your soul actually desires.
On paper, you’re “on track.” But in your spirit, you’re lost. That’s when the chest feels heavy. That’s when the auto-pilot becomes unbearable. Default living doesn’t just drain us, it disconnects us.
It disconnects us from others because our relationships are built on roles and performances, not truth.
A life on autopilot disconnects us from ourselves because every compromise chips away at authenticity.
And that disconnection has a cost: anxiety, exhaustion, resentment, and the slow erosion of joy.
I know because that was my reality for longer than I care to admit.
But I’ve been sitting with that.
The grief.
And what I’ve learned?
Grief in this form is an invitation. A call to open the chest and take inventory. To stop living on auto-pilot and step into authorship.
Prompts that made me curious that I’m challenging you to ask yourself:
What in my life feels inherited, not chosen?
Where am I performing instead of being my full self?
What treasures do I actually want to keep, polish, and protect?
What do I need to release so there’s room for what’s real?
The process and the answers may feel uncomfortable.
But discomfort is the birthplace of alignment.
Identity grief is the wake-up call, a mirror.
It reminds us that our story isn’t over, but ready to be rewritten.
You get to choose again.
I decided to choose again.
And in choosing, you don’t just rebuild a life, you reintroduce yourself to the world as the author of your story, carrying a treasure chest filled not with timelines and “shoulds,” but with pleasure, full being, and purpose.
The grief of default living is real, but so is the freedom of design.
Your chest can be full again.
This time with treasures that reflect the soul you carry.
